The Day before Orientation..

It's the day before I fly out of PHL to go to LAX.. a day of orientation there then again, waking up at 5 am on Sunday to fly to Japan then Bangkok. WOW ...... I guess by this age and after all the traveling i've done the past 22 years, I should be used to it. This time is different though, I've never felt this kind of Happiness while at the same time, anxiety. It's a feeling I've been trying to avoid. Since I've applied to the Peace Corps back in NOVEMBER of 2008. This is the day I have been waiting for, the day where I can say " I'm flying off to be a Peace Corps Volunteer".

I think it's the strange feeling of knowing that so much can change once (after ) I leave.
1) AFTER TEN YEARS, my mom finally has her Citizenship interview on Jan 23rd and I wont be here to hold her hand and enjoy that moment with her.
2) Due to companies merging, on March 12th, she will be laid off from her work.
3) With all that, she might be heading back to Urumqi for an extended period of time OR might find a job in Shanghai, or return back to U.S after a while spending time at Home. After ten years of not seeing her Mom, of course, she would want to return back ASAP

Part of me feels so incompetent, How can I go off to Thailand to develop some village when the person that is closest to me might need my support during all those life changes... ? Mother Theresa had a quote " When you decide to help someone, start with the ones closest to you" ( I might have butchered that a bit) regardless, I have completely failed at helping the person closest to me :( I really hope beyond her grunts for me leaving her, beyond her " maybe you'll come back early, " ugggh this girl just does whatever she wants.." That she is Proud of Me !

All that is part of my thought processes as I come closer to my departure; I'm going to stop writing here for now, so I will be urged to complete my thoughts when I have some time in L.A tomorrow night.

Don't ever regret your decision,
- Zari