Today, I took my oath to serve as a Peace Corps volunteer for the United States of America. That was a pretty amazing feeling; the feeling of " Ok, I just got done 10 weeks of training, I feel exhausted, anxious, nervous, sad, upset, ready, not ready AND on top of it all, I got to put all those emotions aside and do an afternoon of workshops with my Thai counterparts who are my sub-district mayor and the deputy mayor. Therefore as always in Peace Corps, there is no time to gather your thoughts or to make sure you got your mind together, or to make sure you are mentally prepared! at the end you, You just do it!
Right now, I'm laying in the air-conditioned room around 12:37 pm talking to two of my friends from the States and thinking about how much my life is about to change in 2 days. I thought my life has changed already when I moved to Thailand, but the REAL peace corps experience has yet to come; since you all know, sitting in a hotel room with internet and air conditioning is far from what you call " the Peace Corps". But in two days, I move to my site, no foreigners, no Ajans, no core staff.... just me and my village :) that should be exciting right?
Don't get me wrong, I am completely excited and partially ready to head off. But because of different circumstances, the mix of 'every emotion' I'm feeling right is not how I wanted to head off to site. on the 31st, all 60 of us will be heading to 60 different directions around the Country. And out of all those 60 volunteers, I probably can count a hand full of volunteers whom I genuinely trust. I guess it's part of the "Peace Corps experience" , because in reality how do you expect to form 'strong bonds' with people when you only see them on /off for 10 weeks while dealing with host families, language learning, tech classes ...and on top of that, you trying to form a friendship that can last till the next two years (and beyond)??? how do you really know?
Maybe sometimes the way you do know is , you get yourself in a situation where someone that you trust lets you down; then the first person that comes up to you and says " you want some of that chocolate i've been hiding?" is the person that will get you through those tough times. It's all part of life these things we call struggles, disappointments, anxieties; but at the end, what does not kill you, only makes you stronger. And those people that are willing to hold your hand through the struggles and watch you get stronger are those that are worth your time and effort....and the rest, it's not worth reacting to their cruelty.
If every day is a lesson learned, I better be a genius by the time this service is over :)
- Zari
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