The word “exhausting” has probably been overused in my blog-posts but I would like to emphasize the level of “exhaustion” I felt today. Not only did I go to bed at 3am, and get up at 7 to start another four hour session with my counterparts, I had to deal with the mental exhaustion of saying good-byes to my family here in Chainat, my friends, my Ajaans and the city Chainat itself. Honestly, since 12 o'clock today, my eyes have just been prom-ka (ready) to shed tears like it has been storing all this liquid the past 10 weeks. I know it is a combination of frustration from the past, yearning to the present and anxiety of the future that contributed to my weak mental stage.
About 18 months ago, I applied for the Peace Corps to live the Peace Corps life in some remote villages of some developing country; and this is where I am right now. 18 months later, I am actually living that “application”, everything that I wanted, asked for during my interview is coming true, unfolding right in front of my eyes. But the fact that I got attached to my family, my Ajaans, and a handful of my friends completely pushed me back couple steps. Life was getting comfortable in Chainat, I was finally feeling like I was part of my family, all of us volunteers had our routine hang out spot, routine schedule, routine life in Chainat with everyone else around us. To a point where, we forgot that we are not living our 'service' yet. Therefore with all that combined (and a teaspoon of some drama), the actual reality of things hit me a little harder than I thought.
All these mix of emotions got me thinking a lot; especially, in terms of to never underestimate the power of genuine relationships. And to never take people around you for granted. The past two months in Chainat has been a crazy but emotional ride. Everyday coming home to a family that decided to take me in for reasons that I do not even know; and two months later, crying my eyes out to the thought of saying good-bye. Funny thing, the day they were supposed to take me back to the Hotel for our Counterpart Conference, my sister kept saying “I’m not driving you there, I won’t do it, if you want to leave I’m going to put you in a tuk-tuk (thai taxis)”. As we were told, Thai people will not show emotions, will not express how they really feel and true, the past couple months I’ve been to funerals where people were just drinking, laughing and talking. But the days they had to drop me off at the Hotel (3 different times), they cried, they hugged and I felt EMOTIONS. It was as though I was saying good-bye to my grandparents, my uncles back home. I hugged and did not want to let go. Even after, they called everyday to make sure I was eating, to make sure I was sleeping, to make sure I was safe J. I have become their fourth child; knowing how much we have come to love and really care for each other was satisfying enough for me. Therefore, to come back to my point, appreciate the people around you everyday, they might not show it regularly but when you least expect it, even the most ‘emotionless” of people will show how much you have touched their heart.
I arrived in Saraburi after 2 hours of falling asleep in the car. I’m not really sure what the Nayoke and Balat think of me. They just saw me cry with my families and friends, and then I pass out in the car. The nayoke is an older guy who speaks English fairly well; he was a teacher for 30 years but wanted to get in politics, make some changes in his town, therefore he ran for the Nayoke position. And the Balat, he is a handsome 40 something year old man. Very soft-spoken but (i think), the kind of person that opens up once he is comfortable with you. They are both very open to new ideas and I do trust that we will have a great working relationship. When I arrived in the office at 4pm, all drained and exhausted, the Balat asks me " so whats the plan for the next two years", I looked at him and said jokingly " Um... can we talk about this tomorrow? my brain is not working right now" hahah. I will be living with the assistant to the Mayor for the first month; she is an amazing, kind lady; and I know I am more than welcomed at her place. At the same time, I cannot wait to get my own place after this first month. Although I'm still living in a suitcase for another month, at least I know that I won't really be 'moving' anywhere; just couple kilometers down the street. Although I've heard that the first three months are the toughest, I guess I won't know till I experience it for myself. For now all I can say is that, hopefully each day gets better :)
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